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The Bachelor Recap: Who Says a Demolition Derby Isn't Romantic?

The Bachelor Recap: Who Says a Demolition Derby Isn't Romantic?
From TIME - January 8, 2018

Welcome back to The Bachelor, where Arie Luyendyks journey to find true love washed him up from The Bachelorette and into this sea of Laurens, Beccas, and ombr blondes. Last week, he winnowed down his herd of potential mates to a nimble 20 or so beautiful, smart, ambitious women who all decided public dating was the right choice for them.

Heres what happened this week on The Bachelor:

The First Date

To kick off The Bachelors 22nd season, Arie invites Becca K., a brunette publicist from Minnesota, to hold on tight. After the date card is read, the women all squee in unison which only gets louder as Arie rolls up on a motorcycle, tousles his hair, and greets his squad with a sly smile and a Sup? The women all die and thats the end of Season 22 of The Bachelor. Becca jumps on the back of Aries motorcycle before the women can surround them and Arie whisks her away. They arrive at a mansion where Rachel Zoe, fashion stylist to the stars, is loitering. She dresses Becca, who puts on a fashion show for Arie who says she can keep it all. He then gets down on one knee and presents her with a pair of Louboutins, which he slips on her feet. As they sip champagne and stare into each others eyes, a man in a tuxedo strolls in off the beach, and instead of trying to sell them a hat he made out of recycled plastic bags like most beach vendors, he presents them with a suitcase filled with diamond jewelry compliments of Neil Lane like hes trying out for a Reservoir Dogs reboot. After the fairy tale, the producers dump Becca K. into the shark tank a.k.a. a mansion full of hangry women who spot the Louboutins and bling and Rachel Zoe approved dresses and start seeing red. Later, Becca and Arie sit down for dinner and she tells Arie about the death of her father due to brain cancer, and he presents her with a rose to comfort her.

The Second Date

Breaking with tradition, Arie immediately opts for a second one-on-one date, this time with a woman named Krystal, a friendly blonde fitness coach most marked for her biceps and a tendency to upspeak. He puts her on a private jet and flies her to his home in Scottsdale, where he gives her the tour of his kitchen and shows her his family photos and home movies. Krystal pretends this is as good as a Louboutin and diamond shopping spree. He then brings her home to meet his folks and she probably wishes she had worn jeans without holes in them. Arie talks about how the last time he brought a girl home it was Emily Maynard, another friendly blonde with good arm definition. Later, Krystal and Arie take some alone time, and she gets vulnerable, talking about her family and her homeless brother. Arie rewards her vulnerability by giving her a rose, followed by one of those awkward concerts where some up-and-coming artist performs for an audience of two who are too busy making out with each other to listen to the music.

Demolition Derby

Arie invites 15 girls to destroy each other, which is like a typical day on The Bachelor except that for once they wont be destroying each other emotionally, but in a demolition derby. While most of the girls whoop and laugh and start spray painting their cars with girl gang symbols, one sad girl (Annaliese, maybe?) sits in the corner crying her eyes out over a traumatic childhood incident involving bumper cars. The other women try to be supportive but cant stop laughing.

The After Party

The Cocktail Party

The Rose Ceremony

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